just come out here and I will go home with you...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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