Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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