Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
