i permit you to call me
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
