my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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