ya dads aren't the best wingmen
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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