Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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