the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize