Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
