I just made out with a guy for $7.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
