you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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