the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I party with great urgency now.
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