so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
