SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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