i just sent this text using only my big toe
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
