thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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