I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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