is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
