there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize