Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize