Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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