i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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