One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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