he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
