We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
