He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
