This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
