Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize