and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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