i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
