You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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