i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
