Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize