i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
