I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
