2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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