my text book just quoted the cookie monster
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i believe in u and ur pee
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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