dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
