She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
