perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
