thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
