Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
