I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
