i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
