It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
