Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
