if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize