So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
We smell like vodka and hangover
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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