my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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