All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
