I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
