didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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