Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
