I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
