I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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