I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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