so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
