at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize