More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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