I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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