ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
