What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
