Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
